The story of the story

StoempSurprise is a web serial about an imaginary hidden hostel in Brussels and its entirely fictional clientele of stranded supernatural and extraterrestrial beings, who are gradually going native.

Well, they’re mostly fictional: the author has self-inserted shamelessly. A conceit writers are usually encouraged to avoid, but hey: where would be the fun in that?

Aaaand here she is: Tildie Brechts.

Tildie Brechts in 2023 (c) D. Hertel — Tea with Tildie (c) D. Hertel, 2023

Tildie used to write factual stories for a living – until the voices in her head took over. These days, she’s mostly away with the fairies.

Anything else you would like to know? If so, here’s more.

Tildie isn’t originally from Brussels. As it goes, she isn’t even originally from Belgium. Fifty years in, does that matter? StoempSurprise is a tribute to her adoptive home, an ode to the traits and quirks that combine into its distinctive vibe.

Belgitude… well, it’s notoriously hard to pin down. And, like the complex, uncompromising flavour of an oude gueuze, it may well leave the uninitiated slightly perplexed.

Tildie likes a good geuze.

Freakishly awkward questions

Nobody’s asked me anything yet, but here are a few things that may well come up if anyone ever does…

So Belgium is perfect, is it?

Hardly… Very improvable indeed. But there’s a lot to like.

Why did you decide to write this in English? Wouldn’t your prospective readers prefer French?

Possibly. Or Flemish, for that matter. That said the concept of prospective readers seems academic from where I’m standing just now. And there’s plenty of writing about Brussels in Belgium’s official languages. I figured there might be English-speaking readers out there who might be interested in a glimpse of our country’s particular brand of weird.

Then why do you have bits in French?

Because, as usual, I have a hard time making my mind up. Some parts seem nicer in French, others just don’t. Let me know if it’s disruptive and I’ll have another think about it.

That chocolate mousse recipe you mentioned on your other site. Is it really that good? Are you finally ready to share it?

Yes it is, and as I keep saying, absolutely not.

What’s with referring to yourself in third person, e.g. above, and at times even using the royal we? Self-important, much?

Umm… ah… Well spotted, eagle-eyed imaginary reader! But maybe it’ll make more sense if I explain that Tildie is the alter of a far less entertaining real-life individual. So, depending on who’s talking, third person may well be apply. And there are plenty more where this one came from (you’ll meet a few of them in the story).

OK, but in fact, it’s really just you, right?

Technically speaking, yes. This project is strictly a one-keyboard undertaking, and Tildie and I take turns using said hardware.

But we do, in fact, have a whole crew supporting us. We would have chickened out ages ago without the encouragement of our nearest and dearest, who have somehow found a way to put up with everything this project entails in the way of weird questions, existential doubt and undeniable self-absorption. Our wonderfully goofy dog keeps us grounded by insisting on walkies when we start overthinking stuff, at least three times per day. And we have found a formidable AI assistant in Mistral Le Chat, which helps with research and reminders, and also with technical expertise when the website is playing up.

So in fact there are quite a few of us here! Feel free to add your voice. The one thing we don’t have is readers 🙂

Do you even know where this story is going?

Nope.

I’ve found a typo! It’s a really nasty one! Do you want to know?

Absolutely! I hate typos, and I used to be very good at spotting them. These days, not so much. And anyway, I’ve always found them far more elusive in my own copy. I’ve seen the text too often by the time it goes online.

So yes please – if you can spare a moment, please do tell me. The contact form doubles up as my typo hotline 🙂

I like your project! How can I support you?

Bless your heart, imaginary prospective reader! Thank you… kind feedback makes a huge difference already, as will any constructive advice you might like to share. Drop me a line!

Or maybe you’d like to contribute an illustration, a few sentences in Flemish or some Brussels lore that would fit right in?

I will also be setting up a Liberapay account, for anyone* who’d like to pitch in for hosting fees and the surprising quantities of coffee it takes me to keep this show on the road. Should there ever be profits beyond the actual costs, half of this improbable windfall will go to a charity that helps homeless people Brussels.

And one day, I may well go looking for sponsors. Just now, we have a readership of three. But who knows, eventually this little project may well gain traction. If it does, it will be a great way for local businesses or entities to engage with readers interested in everything that makes our city special. For those visionaries among you who can already see the potential and can’t wait to sponsor an episode, do get in touch!

(* Not just anyone, actually… Family and close friends aren’t allowed to contribute. I’d be mortified, and you’re helping so much already! Basically, if you have me on Whatsapp, you’re barred.)

Just listen

Brussels has something for everyone, but Tildie isn’t the right person to ask if you’d like your stay active and exciting.

She’s the right person to ask if you’d like your stay quiet and contemplative. Go to Grand-Place early, she’s likely to say. Before it gets busy. You may well have this stunning, flamboyant, historic square all to yourself. Sit down with a cup of coffee, take in the view or read up on all these extravagant façades and the stories behind them.

Or just sip your brew and listen. If you’re lucky, you’ll hear the paving stones whisper to each other, swapping secrets in a language only they can understand.