“OK, so you’re 300 years old. Give or take. Are you immortal?”
“No. Just really hard to kill.”
“What would it take?”
“What’s it to you?”
“You don’t look centuries old.”
“We don’t age, from the day we turn.”
“Were you not born this way?”
“Birth vampires are extremely rare, even if both parents are undead. Most clans hold coming-of-age ceremonies. And of course some people get turned for other reasons.”
“Such as?”
“That’s not something we talk about.”
“Never mind. So how old were you?”
“Where I come from, the ceremonies are held shortly before midnight on the second Friday after the honoree’s 27th birthday.”
“So what brought you to Brussels?”
“A train.”
“Oh, very funny. No, really.”
“No reason. I took the first west-bound train at one station after another. At some point I reached Brussels and decided to go sightseeing.”
“And how did you come to live at the tavern?”
“Different story, for another day.”
“Fine. Who cares, anyway. The bloodsucking thing, though. Do I need to worry?”
“Have you worried about it so far?”
“Well, no, obviously.”
“So why worry about it now?”
“You’re not answering my question. Don’t you need to… you know.”
“We can survive without it. It’s just a tradition, but we all have the urge. It’s hard to resist.”
“Even for you?”
“You have no idea.”
“So how come you fight it?”
“Because I’m not an authoritarian thug.”
“Is that why you left?”
“That’s part of it. I’ll explain some other day, if you really want to know.”
“I guess your folks didn’t much like your attitude… How do you deal with the compulsion?”
“I’ve had plenty of time to hone my technique. Lots of martial arts, mainly; embroidery didn’t work for me. And you have these biscuits here – speculoos. Such a rich flavour.”
“For real?”
“For real.”
“Why do you bother, though? I mean, you grew up in a place that’s used to vampires doing their thing.”
“Just because that’s what happens doesn’t mean that people like it.”
“Well, if they can’t stop you and everyone thinks it’s totally normal, wouldn’t you have had a great life just going along with it?”
“Believe me, vampire rule is fun for no one. The brutality doesn’t affect just the mortals, and we have to endure it much longer.”
“OK, something else. Is it true that you guys are allergic to daylight? Will your skin start to sizzle if you stand in the sun?”
“Not immediately. But it’s excruciatingly painful.”
“Some people say vampires can’t cross running water.”
“Some people say all sorts of things.”
“And are you really all super-strong?”
“Compared to most people, we are. Jos sends me to lift his van out of tight spaces when it’s boxed in again.”
“What about being fazed by garlic?”
“Mostly true, but it depends on the amount. A tiny whiff off someone’s plate five tables away is manageable, but that’s about it.”
“You must really have suffered when you used to take me out for meals.”
“Well, someone had to. And there are pills we can take when we know it’s going to be an issue.”
“Can you see your face in a mirror?”
“No. But for some reason, selfies work; photos in general. Go figure.”
“Are you repelled by holy water?”
“Instantly. It does give us nasty burns in no time.”
“Is that what was in Adelphine’s spray?”
“Probably. With an extract of her special garlic, no doubt, although she’ll know that many vampires who live among mortals are dosed up with allium blockers. So she may have added a few drops of lavender oil as a precaution.”
“Lavender oil? What’s wrong with lavender oil?”
“Total abomination. We’re helpless against it, and there’s no antidote.”
“Are religious symbols also a problem? Like a crucifix, for example?”
“Please don’t go waving them at me. Actually, if you could cover your necklace…”
“Sure. By the way, your bedroom looked perfectly normal. Aren’t you meant to sleep in a coffin? Or upside-down hanging from a rafter?”
“I could, but why would I?”
“Wait wait wait, there was something else… Oh yes, can you only enter people’s homes if they invite you in?”
“Permission is required, but it remains valid forever. Ask us in once and we’ll come and go as we please.”
“The shapeshifting. Is it just bats, or can you do other animals as well?”
“It’s just bats.”
“Can you fly in human form?”
“I can, but it’s totally inefficient.”
“And the popping up in weird places thing?”
“Apparating. Most of us have the knack, though it doesn’t run in all bloodlines.”
“Does it work over long distances?”
“Not really. A few dozen paces, usually, but with practice some can do a lot more. Last year’s all-clans champion cleared 276 metres.”
“Vampire Olympics?”
“Very popular.”
“What are the other disciplines?”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
“Is it hard to be so far away from your own world?”
“It is, and it’s not. I left for a reason, but yes, there are things I miss.”
“Such as?”
“Our mountains. Our language. Our food and traditions – well, the nicer ones. Thunderstorms over the peaks at night.”
“And your sister.”
“I’d rather not talk about that.”
“Sorry.”
“No problem.”
“Do you think you’ll ever go back?”
“That’s not an option. Anyway, this city is home too, now. And there are vampires here as well, though they’re not from my area.”
“Oh yes, of course… let me guess. Romeo? I’ve never seen him in full sunlight either. Is that why you don’t like me hanging out with him?”
“Who knows what he’ll do if he gets carried away. We can be unpredictable when our hormones take over.”
“Oh.”
“Vampire romance is not for the faint-hearted.”
“Actually, do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Some significant other?”
“None of your business.”
“I bet you have a girlfriend. Some ‘deadly nightshade’ type. With a fancy hairdo and a scary smile. Tattoos? I bet she has lots of tattoos.”
“As I said, none of your business.”
“Oh, but I’ll make it my business. Now that you’ve let me in, you’re stuck with me.”
* An actual abomination?
No disrespect to fans of lavender oil – Tildie loves the stuff too, but then again she isn’t a vampire.